10/9/19 Stats – Where the hell is the wagon?

I wouldn’t say I fell off the wagon, exactly, but vacation set me on a path and that path is called “struggle.”

I’m not on the wagon, I’m on the struggle bus.

It happens.

Y’all know I don’t get the kind of support at home that I want. It makes it harder. It does not make it impossible, as the first 50 pounds of weight loss can attest. During our vacation, I wanted to be more restrained with our dining out than we were, but my husband wanted to go out to eat for every meal (and I do mean every meal/snack/craving he had) the entire time. We didn’t, of course, because we couldn’t afford it if we wanted to, but a relentless pressure like that on someone vulnerable like myself was darn hard to resist. Hubby isn’t interested in the money part or the health part of that scenario and is very much in the “every man for himself” camp. I mean, he can’t afford camp, either, but that’s beside the point.

I’m not complaining, I’m explaining.

Anyhoo, I did okay on vacation. I definitely wasn’t “dieting”, but I also wasn’t binging every day all day. So I have that going for me. But the eating pattern on vacation has sort of become a default for me at home. It’s like I can’t shake it. I’m not overindulging like the good old days, but I’m not going to lose weight this way either. Plus,there are some sucky bits to where I’m at right now. My arm flaps aren’t exactly a joy. They have deflated a bit and are extra saggy. They actually flop onto the very sensitive touch screen on my washer and dryer when I’m doing stuff (I’m short) and changes my settings. Let’s say that again – my arm flaps change the settings on my washer and dryer. Hoo boy. If it didn’t cost a bazillion dollars, I’d have them trimmed in the interim.

I don’t want this, though. I am not in a place where stopping is a good decision. I mean, I may stop before I hit “ideal weight”, but not while still super morbidly obese.

So.

I’m going to have to tighten up the ship a bit. I’m trying to shorten my eating window to 4-6 hours. I’m trying to slow down when eating/how much. I’m trying to be more active. Not exercise, necessarily, but like yard work type activity. I hate yard work, but we have a lot to do and we don’t want to pay for it. Usually I try to rope hubby in and do it together, but that’s more hassle than it’s worth, so I’m taking 30 minutes to an hour a day to tackle some stuff. It might help the yard and possibly myself. The good news is, an hour in the yard doesn’t render me worthless and in pain for the rest of the day, so that is most definitely a win. I’m 309 pounds, but I can work in the yard for an hour!

That’s where it is right now. xo

Monday Stats – 9/30/2019

I am not showing my calorie or fasting log today, but I can tell you that I’m back at 309 pounds! So, vacation is now undone and I can pick up where I left off.

I also wanted to update you on one other thing…

So you know how I was going on vacation and would see my mother? Yeah, she didn’t notice my weight loss. Or, at least, didn’t mention it. There is a part of me that is disappointed in her for her obliviousness, but that’s nothing new with her. And don’t think for a second that her obliviousness is lack of interest – she is vain. My weight is a problem for her and always has been, especially once I hit morbid obesity. No, her obliviousness is that it’s not like I’m thin yet, and she is pretty self-focused. In the end, the major part of me is glad it didn’t come up.

Also, other people are starting to notice. Not, however, my best friend or my husband. Though they have noticed – I’ve seen it in their eyes – they haven’t remarked. Honestly, it’s so freaking weird.

xo

Went on Vacation – gained 5 pounds!

LOL

Okay, so I’ve been remiss, but we went on vacation for a week and I swear I spent a week getting ready for that. Then I spent a couple days putting our life back together.

We went out to eat a LOT. I mean a lot a lot, given how I’ve been eating in recent weeks, so I definitely gained weight. I imagine a lot of it was just excess waste… because I weighed in at 314 upon arrival at home, then 312 the next day, so…

All I can tell you is I’m back on track and I’ll keep working my little plan now that I’m home.

I’ll post something soon.

xox

309 Pounds & Chin Progress

Okay, so I started tracking my fasts again last night. I need that accountability. I continue to log everything I eat and watch my calories. I went over (by a few, not much) twice last week, but I still lost a pound. I am 309 pounds even today.

Meanwhile, I’ve been working on my face, chin, & jowls. I have plenty of plastic surgery in my future, I hope, to deal with loose skin. My face will have to take back seat to my back seat. So I’m using this time to try to make improvements on my own, at home, using the tools I can afford.

Do you see a difference in these photos? I will give you dates & weights with each so you can be the judge:

June 28, weight ~320
July 10, weight ~317
August 13, weight ~312
August 23, weight ~311
Sept 2 (TODAY), weight ~309

Compare June 28 to today – that’s an improvement, right?

xo

Mini Celebration- 50 Pounds Lost

I was going to do a normal status update, but I’ve hit a milestone, so here we go.

I’ve lost 50 pounds from my peak! I weigh 310 pounds.

Here are things that weigh 50 pounds for frame of reference:

An average 7 year old child.

I could not actually pick up most of these items, but apparently if you distribute the weight and strap it to my body, I can walk around that way for years on end.

Anyhoo, that’s where we are today! Yay me!

xo

Monday Stats – August 19, 2019

I never did weigh myself last week, but I did this week!

I’m still not tracking my fasts quite as diligently as I have in the past, but I do still try not to eat until after 1pm and I try to quit eating after dinner.

I came in under my recommended calories for the week. It’s probably pretty accurate. We did go out to eat a couple of times, but I simply didn’t eat that much when we did.

I weighed in at 311.4 pounds this morning. That is 48.6 pounds lost!

So, I realize that the first pictures that I posted of myself were not entirely accurate! I actually weighed only about 345 when those first dirty-mirror-shots were taken. I had been using my meal service for about 3 months and had lost about 15 pounds from my peak weight. So my before and after shots reflect about 30 pounds lost and that’s part of why it’s so hard to see a change in me.

I know I’m looking for proof of a drop in a bucket at in this point, but I don’t want anyone who is my stats thinking that 45 pounds isn’t visible. It is. I promise. I’m not thin or anything, but you can see a change.

Anyway, I’m feeling pretty good about my progress, but have gotten a touch sloppy in the past two or three weeks. I want to tighten things back up. And I have to start thinking about exercise. I really don’t want to, but our community pool isn’t working out great – too unpredictably crowded, too much rain – so I’m not getting as much swim time as I had hoped. What’s a lazy girl to do?

I’m thinking on it. Hope you are doing well!

xo

No Stats Yet

I can’t weigh myself, yet. For reasons.

But I have updated pictures for you to see if we can see 46 pounds lost!

The shirt is the same brand/size as the original and is the same shirt in a different pattern. I bought like 6 of that shirt a couple years ago, because they are so comfy.

It’s not glaringly obvious, but I guess if you look closely, you can see it, especially in the fit of the clothes. The pants have had the legs tied tighter since the first photo and they are starting to sag dangerously at the waste. I give them 20 more pounds before they don’t stay up on their own anymore. At which point, I will likely retire them to the firepit. Although, they are so synthetic, they may be toxic to burn…

Also, I have decided to post more photos of myself. Maybe not my full face, just yet, but I’m trying to capture more images so I can track my journey better and I’d like you to see me in a bra with actual support and my chin situation and possibly some grosser situations (although it will all remain PG, to the best of my abilities.)

Anyway, it may not look a whole lot different, but it feels quite a bit different!

I’ll try to get on the scale this week.

xo